...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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