I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
