just come out here and I will go home with you...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
