So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
