They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
