Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
