it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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