I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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