that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
