I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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