he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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