your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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