Barsexuality is the new black.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize