There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
