I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
