I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
