Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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