I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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