then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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