Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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