I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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