There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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