wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
