Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Less talking, more tequila
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize