I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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