Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
