it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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