to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
