i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
