Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
