The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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