And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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