I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
