Sry I called you an 8
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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