My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
