she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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