Soap is not a condiment
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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