I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
