I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
