Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
