Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
