so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
