I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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