i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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