You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
