We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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