I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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