it was like his penis was on wheels.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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