Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
