My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
