Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
