I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
