I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
