Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
