its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
