Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
