at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
