The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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