On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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