my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
