Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
