Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
