I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
