if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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