I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
