If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
