I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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